Laughter!.....Why so serious,son?

Young children laugh about 300 times a day, an adult only 17. That's bcoz they are less jaded.
Your laugh says a lot about you. According to a study :
CACKLER - rejoices in other’s misery,
HOWLER - attention seeker and often mentally ill,
SNORTER - prone to feelings of superiority
SNIGGERER - emotionally immature,
BELLY LAUGHER - trustworthy and friendly,
CHUCKLER - kind and introspective,
GIGGLER -sexual and flirtatious.

“While laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy”
~ Oscar Wilde

Laughter is widely considered to be the best medicine. But this theory has often been thrown into doubt. Laughter has never really cured anything. Nurofen, cough syrup and chemotherapy cure. Laughter just makes all of these things seem a lot funnier, enabling others to laugh at your misfortune. When was the last time you laughed yourself better when you broke your arm in that skiing accident? I’m willing to bet never. Laughter is nothing more than an expression of amusement and should not be used medicinally to cure any ailments. Numerous things could make people laugh. An amusing knock-knock joke, a rather humorous episode of the Simpsons or maybe seeing someone in extreme physical agony or a state of morbid depression. Laughing is not, however, a medicine. Whatever it is, it is certainly not a chance for you to try walking on that broken limb again, or to return to your habit of breaking bricks with your face. Many jokes have caused people to lash out. For instance Hitler (who was a painter at the time) was in the middle of a tranquil scene of a picnic. Hitlers Jewish friend made a stab at Adolf's sexuality. Hitler retaliated with a mass genocide. A reported incident in 500 BC left famous mathematician Pythagoras dead. Pythagoras' wife told investigators that her husband had woken up ranting and raving about his entire lifework being pointless. He shouted something about nobody caring about triangles and then burst into hysterics. Seventeen hours later, Pythagoras was found in a fetal position, tears of blood dripping from his eyes and the biggest smile ever seen on a dead persons face. This incident is just one of many too much laughter scenarios.
Other reported instances have had people laughing so hard, they have drowned in their own tears of joy. Many of these people regret the decision to laugh, and survivors have since opted for the less fatal chuckle, or maybe just a nice smile. Many people have speculated about what's next in laughter, one of the worlds most popular inventions. Many think that laughter will soon become obsolete, being replaced by video games and TiVo. Others have predicted a strong future for laughter, with many new products soon becoming available for purchase over the internet. Whatever happens in the future, laughter has certainly been a financial success and investment is still strong even after 300 years of business.

Try and make sense of this! HA-HA

What's to the left of right? You can't really tell! That's the problem with relatives! They're never absolute! Especially the ones that call you beta when you really rather would be an alpha. And when I told her that i was never gonna get married, she just said 'Don't be silly!' the way rabbits would say 'I'm a rabbit' when tortoises challenge them to races. Of course, the rabbits don't really say it and end up losing the race. The question really is 'Could I care less?'the answer, of course, is that alliterations do not really have to make sense, they exist purely for the kind of exercise that our tongues are denied when we hesitate to say supercalifragilisticexpicalidocious at the end of every sentence. Sadly, my cab mates at the new company don't really understand this, which is probably why the guy sitting next to me shot two bloodshot sleepy eyes at me when I asked him about this and in a barely audible whisper, muttered, "Are you a North Indian?." What's rather apparent though at this stage of the blog is I'm clearly not making the best of impressions with my new-found craze for alliterations in my equally new-found free office internet access. Im just gonna end it with - Do Jackasses Jackass?

Priorities!

A professor stood before his Philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with a unanimous yes.
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
"The golf balls are the important things - your God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.
“The sand is everything else--the small stuff.
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life. ”If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you"
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
"Take time to get medical checkups.
"Take your partner out to dinner.
"Play another 18
"There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.
"Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.
"Set your priorities.
"The rest is just sand
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled. ”I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a cup of coffee with a friend."

Things you ought to know.......

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Elections,
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Global_warming,
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Drugs,
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/CIA,
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Evolution,
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Brothel,
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/HowTo:Fix_the_Economy,
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Why%3F:So_Serious%3F,
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Battle_of_the_Sexes,
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/What_Would_Jesus_Do%3F

Poem....

THE MIND BUILDS A MAZE,
AND THE BODY RUNS THROUGH IT.
EVERY NIGHT IN OUR DREAMS,
WE ESCAPE THE MAZE,
LIKE A DREAM OF BIRDS.
there is no maze,
we are free even from the dreams of freedom.

Life Happens! (the polite version of the quote)

Hey folks!....Long time no see........The subject this time is maktub.......For those who think they know what it means, guess again....and those who dont, get a life people!.....One of my friends from school came to Delhi and met me recently.....After meeting him, i felt truly grateful to be where i am in my life......This poor fellow happened to be one of those people who actually listens to their parents when they say 'beta, engineering kar lo'......Having cleared his boards with an average grade and possessing very little ambition or direction in life like so many of us in the "system", he landed up in an engineering college in Maharashtra…..At the current moment there are forty boys in his class and three ‘girls’…..He said, I quote, “One is fat, one is hairy and the third one is crazy”…….This I think adequately describes the situation of the Indian male population to a large extent………Those of you who find this blog offensive, pls write in your complaints and suggestions to idontgiveadamn@kissmyass.com ……..The argument in this case is one I like to define in terms of nature versus nurture…..Your genetic predisposition, intelligence quotient, physical status and metabolism all play a part in your place in this world…..However, your destiny also depends entirely on what you believe in…..Your education, confidence, opportunities, skills and decision making abilities form a large part of this…….But in the end it comes down to what you believe in……A very common example that most of you would be familiar with is the ménage-a-trois……If don’t think it can happen to you or don’t believe you can handle it, it probably aint gonna happen!...:-D…….So grow a pair of cojones fellas and grab the bull by the horns!.....And don’t forget, Life Happens!

Hey,you wanna hear a funny story?

Hot damn, here I am. Seems like we hardly see each other any more. Was it something I said? Something I did? Something I didn't do....like not update the blog for a long time? I know, I know.......stop your whining. I guess this ship is sinking slow and the captain just does not want to let it go. These days any idiot can have a "blog site". And it looks like almost every idiot does......:-D.........Just kidding!.....Here's a funny story to make up for my infrequent updates-----This guy had a motorcycle which was getting really dusty. So he moved it from the garage to the living room where he got some rags and a bowl of gasoline and started to clean it. After finishing, he started the bike to check whether it was running fine or not. As it started in gear, he promptly went through the front glass doors while holding onto the handlebars, fell into the lawn in the middle of a pile of glass shards, bleeding from a dozen places. His wife, who was working in the kitchen, rushed out to see this scene and immediately called an ambulance......So far its pretty normal.....Later that afternoon, after getting hundreds of stitches, the wife brought the husband back from the hospital and gently put him to bed. She then went to clean up the mess, swept up all the glass, picked up the rags and junk and threw away the gasoline in the toilet. Shortly afterwards, the husband woke up, lit a cigarette and went into the bathroom. He sat down and tossed the cigarette into the toilet which instantaneously exploded. Hearing the explosion, his wife rushed into the bathroom to find her husband screaming in agony on the floor with third degree burns on the bum. She again called an ambulance and the same paramedics arrived. They loaded the guy onto the stretcher and as they were carrying him out, asked the wife what had happened. Upon hearing the story, one of the paramedics laughed so hard that he dropped his end of the stretcher and broke the man's collarbone.............MORAL OF THE STORY: well.....i cant think of any....:)......though i would like to enlighten the ignorant masses to an all too familiar concept with this story......schadenfreude: 'a german word that means to take mischevious delight in observing the misfortune of others'....Until next time....Adieu!

Why do guys sit with their legs spread?

Why do guys sit with their legs spread?......Its so that their brains can get oxygen!!......This should be the tagline for Delhi's male population......I was walking in Connaught Place when this incident happened......As we were passing a lingerie store, we noticed three guys making some adjustments to the sign above the store.......Two of them were holding the wooden ladder steady and the third was on top.......All three were staring steadily at the mannequins in the window........As we passed by, there was a huge crashing sound......We turned and saw the ladder falling down and the man on top crashing to the ground.......The thing to do while falling off a ladder is to generally save yourself first!....However, the whole way down the man had a desperate struggle between saving himself and falling in such a way that he could continue to stare at the mannequins.....It was simultaneously the funniest and most pathetic thing you could witness......Moral of the story: All lingerie stores shoulf have burqa's to preserve the modesty of their mannequins!!....:-P

Sex in the City!

Welcome to my weird world once again!.....Sorry for the delay....Our story begins on a Wednesday evening, when im hanging out at my friend's place...Having decided to finally trim the long lanky locks, we both set out to find the nearest barbershop......Walking in the Masoodpur market of Vasant Kunj, we soon discovered the "Be Handsome Beauty Shop" (im seriously not making this shit up!).....We entered the shop to find a shop with a partitioned wall and three small chairs......The owner of the shop soon came and started talkin to my friend about where he was studying and so on.......We got our haircut and stepped out of the shop, only to be called back by the guy.......He looked straight at my friend and said, "Sir, aap massage vassage karvate hai?"......My friend went completely blank and replied, ".....uhh....no"......The guy again said, "Sir, u KNOW, female massage...:-D"......Fighting the urge to burst out laughing, my friend again said "No thanks!".......We finally went on our way home, laughing the entire way!.......

MY DRIVING LESSONS!

Well, as you might or might not know, I recently started driving lessons........Here's the story......
DAY 1: Returned home at 1:30 am from party..:-D.......Woke up to find the instructor at 7a.m
with a Mitsubishi Lancer rather than the requested Santro........Taking a cue from NFS and various arcade car racing games, hit the accelerator like a Formula 1 driver.......Reached the ring road and finally hit the morning traffic......Instantly realised that this wasn't a video game and fully woke up!.....Good start!!
DAY 2: Different instructor arrives with Santro.....Am happy until i realise that the horn, taillight and brakes dont work........Proceed to break the car in 15 mins......Wait two hours for the
mechanic to arrive.....The car is pronounced beyond all repair.....I go to the driving school where i have paid the fees IN ADVANCE, and $%#@&*$@!!!.......
DAY 3: Brand new Santro arrives!!......Instructor is pretty cool also.......We start talking and I
distract him while i hit 60km/hr for the first time (generally not allowed above 30)........I find out that he has just broken up with his girlfriend........We go to her colony and drive a few times around her house.......I console/counsel him and he cheers up!....He drops me home and promises that he will ask out her best friend the next day........

A New Hope

Happy to you!!.....i.e. May the year 2009 be filled with happiness and prosperity and all your wishes and dreams come true. Have a truly wonderful time and Happy New Year!......The standard forwarded message that floods your inbox at midnight on 31st December. Combined with the social lubricants you have undoubtedly consumed before the magical hour, this results in a warm and fuzzy feeling that compels you to reply to the sms and shout out your raison d'etre to the assembled public.....HAPPY TO YOU!...........
And at this most auspicious of beginnings, you can feel it in your gut. The conviction that somehow this is gonna be the one. You know, the year in which you fulfill your wishes, keep those half-assed resolutions and get ahead of the game. This time it will be different, life will be fair and you will get all the good things that you so richly deserve.........Well, who am i to spoil the party?......Folks, go for it!.....And remember that before you can fly, you gotta fall a couple of times.......So as the penguins of Madagascar say "Smile and wave boys, just smile and wave!"